Jessica
“I think your dad would have liked it here,” Mom says. “I never understood why he joined the Army instead of the Navy, but if he hadn’t, we never would’ve met, and never had you, so I can’t argue with that.”
We’re standing on a ragged bluff overlooking the ocean just outside the city. It took a while to track down Dad’s remains, and get permission to have them moved. Officially, all three of us died ten years ago when our boat exploded. Thanks to Victor’s influence, three bodies were recovered, identified and cremated before anyone so much as considered if it wasn’t really a propane leak. Terrence Cooper didn’t have a wife or kids, so together with his remaining family, we bought plots for them in this cemetery, where they can be near each other, and one day Mom will join them.
We might never know who the other two remains belonged to. Probably a couple handy victims that our false deaths helped neatly cover up.
I have very mixed feelings about the water. I love the sheer immensity of it, the way it stretches out over the horizon. But in many ways, it’s a giant tomb. One Victor Kane is resting in. As macabre as it is, I wish I’d gotten to see his body, but the guys assured me that they saw his remains themselves and he’s well and truly dead.
“I wish I had gotten the chance to know Terrence. It’s weird to think that he’s the reason I’m here, and I don’t even remember him.”
Mom nods. “He was one of your father’s best friends even though he was a decade older. It doesn’t surprise me that he took it so hard when we were reported dead. Kane had already reached out, trying to recruit me about a year before everything happened. That’s when Cooper and your dad started looking into Kane’s dealings.” She stares out over the water. “Maybe if I’d done something different back then, none of this would’ve happened.”
“It’s not your fault. The only person with any responsibility is Victor.”
She shakes her head and laughs sadly. “When did you get so smart? It was one thing to watch you grow up in pictures, but standing here talking to a grown woman instead of the little girl I remember is something else. You’re in your twenties, I’m nearly fifty. That sounds so old.”
“You have two years left, Mom. Besides, I’m the old lady, remember?”
This time, the laugh isn’t so sad. “I’ll never get used to people calling you that. I’m the one that’s supposed to be an old lady first.”
We both look at Ghost, Tex and Riot, who’re standing with a few of the others from the club a respectful distance away. Hellfire insisted on coming, and Bonnie and Anne, of course. But Savage, Skyhigh and Jackal too, partly for getting out to ride, and partly out of respect.
“I mean, I’m not going to deny you happiness if that’s what you want, but…”
She shakes her head emphatically. “Nope. I’m more than fine with being a widow for now. I just got my own life back. I’m not hooking it onto anyone else’s for a long time, if ever. Cooper is more than enough trouble for me, just like his namesake. We’re still in negotiations for how much canned food is healthy for a cat.”
I still can’t believe that’s what she decided to call her cat.
I turn away from the water and stroke a hand over the top of the granite monument we had crafted in memory of Dad. Next to it is an almost identical one for Terrence Cooper. They cost a small fortune, but I’m glad we did.
Dad’s has a two-masted sail ship carved into the polished stone, the kind he always loved. One of the clear memories I have of him is how excited he was every summer to take us to the sail ship festival. I thought it was so lame at the time, but now all I can remember is how happy he was when he was telling us about all the details when we toured the ships.
Underneath is Dad’s name, dates, rank, and then Crossing the Bar, a poem by Lord Alfred Tennyson.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For though from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.
Mom traces the words with her fingertips. “The engraver did a nice job. Your dad really loved that poem. He had it on his wall at work. I think he would’ve liked this.”
Next to Dad’s gravestone is a second one, for Sgt. Terrence Cooper. It’s a little plainer, with an American flag, his name and all the usual stuff, and then a message from us.
Loyalty
Bravery
Sacrifice
Mom’s face is tight, but she nods in appreciation. “This is good. I’m happy how they came out. And now we have a place to visit.” She puts down the two wreaths she’s carrying, one propped up against each memorial. I take her hand and squeeze it, feeling my own tears pressing to get out.
“You ready?” Riot yells.
I nod.
The others cross the grass towards us, and Anne breaks away from Bonnie to come over first. She’s had a huge growth spurt over the past year and is as tall as me now, but her hugs still feel like the girl I knew. “You okay?” she asks.
I nod despite my heavy heart. “It’s nice here, don’t you think?”
She smiles back. “Definitely. They’ve got a great view.”
My boys are next to join us, and then Hellfire and the others behind them.
“Hey, baby girl,” Tex says and takes over hugging duty, pulling me in close. He kisses the top of my head before looking at the memorials. “I wish I knew your dad. He must’ve been something to land a chick like your mom and raise a woman like you. He gets props just for that, if nothing else. If you ask me, Cooper was a crazy bastard, but his heart was in the right spot and he pulled our asses out of the fire in the end. I gotta respect that. We all do.”
Ghost and Riot nod in agreement.
“He saved the club, and the lives of an awful lot of people,” says Hellfire and walks around to my other side to put down a tribute of his own, a rough-hewn stone with the Outlaw Sons logo etched on it, wreathed by black and red roses. “The Outlaw Sons owe his memory a lot for that, even if he got us into it to begin with. Not many men woulda made the sacrifice.” He glances over at Mom, who was ready to do it first. “Or women.”
The rest catch up so we all stand around the memorials, having a moment of silence, at least until I notice Skyhigh rigging something up at the edge of the bluff. “What are you doing?”
He grins. “Moments of silence are all well and good, but those guys need a real send off. So I brought fireworks.”
I glance around the memorial grounds. The sun’s just starting to set over the water, so it’s clearing out, but there are still some stragglers. “Don’t you need permission for that sort of thing?”
A chorus of biker snorts answers my question.
“I’m for it,” declares Mom. “Chester and Terrence would’ve appreciated it.”
“Excellent.” Skyhigh grins almost as wide as when he was blowing a hole in Victor’s wall. Seems like as long as there’s something exploding, somewhere, he’s generally pretty happy.
We give it another fifteen minutes to get a little darker and for all the other visitors to empty out, and then Skyhigh starts the show.
I sit right in front of Dad’s memorial and lean my back against it. It makes me feel closer to him, at least a little bit. Victor tore him away from me, but I can at least cherish the few memories I have. Funny how many of them came back to me once Mom started telling me more about him and what we’d all do together, almost like I’d locked them away so I wouldn’t have to remember while Victor had me prisoner.
Mom sits next to me, and Anne comes over to plop herself between my knees on the grass and lean into me. Ghost crouches next to me, while Tex and Riot stand close. And then we all watch.
The first rocket sets the tone and expectations, exploding into a gigantic, sparkling American flag that drizzles slowly down towards the water. He gives it a moment, then fires up a whole barrage of bright explosions that roll over the water and light up the whole grounds. I hope the ghosts of everyone here are enjoying the show. And maybe somewhere, someone is looking out a window and watching these fireworks, hoping their life will change, just like I used to on New Year’s Eve.
Skyhigh must’ve brought a whole arsenal, because the fireworks keep going off. They’re beautiful. A couple of people who hadn’t left come over to watch, probably thinking it’s an official show, but they keep their distance. It might be respect, or just that half our group is wearing Outlaw Sons MC cuts. They wouldn’t be the first to back off after making that realization.
Anne gets up to go talk to Bonnie, who pulls her into a hug while they stand together to watch. It stings a little, knowing that I’m not her everything anymore, not because I’m jealous, but there’s still been a mourning period for both of us. She was forced to grow up quickly, which was hard but it’s been good for her. She’s even going to a normal school now, and I’m happy for her.
Ghost slides in closer and wraps his arms around me. “You alright? This shit can get pretty heavy.”
A firework lights everything up in red. I nod. “Yeah. I will be. But don’t you dare do what Dad did to Mom and die on me. I hope that’s clear.” I point up at Tex and Riot, who are listening in between explosions. “That goes for all three of you.”
“We’ll do our best, ma’am,” Tex drawls with a laugh.
Riot nods in agreement, slinging his arm over Tex’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
When we mount up to ride back home, I take a last look over my shoulder, before I wrap my arms around Ghost and press my face against his back.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have full closure for ten years of fear and abuse, but I count myself lucky because I go to sleep every night knowing that it would take a small army to ever hurt me again. Ghost, Riot, Tex and the rest of the Outlaw Sons aren’t a traditional family, but they are the one I chose, and I would choose them again and again.
The rest of the world doesn’t have to understand our love for me to know that it’s more than most people will ever have.
(c) Stephanie Brother 2024
