RYAN
I’m sitting in a chair. It isn’t as comfortable as my Chesterfield but I guess it’ll have to do. My right hand is resting on my thigh and it trembles slightly, but somehow today I find that I don’t care.
On the bed in front of me, Jessie sleeps soundly with Abbey in the little cot by our bedside. Jessie’s sister had offered to have Abbey tonight. ‘Have some alone time on your honeymoon,’ she said, but neither Jessie nor I wanted to leave our baby girl.
All the days we have together are precious. I suppose I’m grateful in a way for the perspective I have. I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through what I did, but if there is a silver lining, it’s my understanding that life is short and the most important thing to focus on is loving the people in your life who are important to you.
My phone buzzes. ‘That was a party,’ Paul messages.
There’s a photo to follow and it’s beautiful. Paul, Darleen and their three kids standing on the beach outside. Darleen still looks sick but she’s finally been given the all clear. I guess it’ll take a while for her body to recover but she has that time. Money spent wisely has the power to change lives. I’m glad that I had the chance to change hers.
‘Thanks, man,’ I message back. ‘See you at breakfast tomorrow?
He replies immediately. ‘You bet. There’s no way I’m missing that buffet.’
I chuckle. Paul always did like his food.
My legs are restless so I stand and make my way out onto the balcony. It’s a little after 2 am and the world is still. This suite has a view like a picture postcard in the day time. Now, at night, the sea looks like a stretch of inky blackness. The breeze is soft and warm against my skin and I rest my hands on the railing, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of the sea.
Moments.
I remember someone I worked with telling me to wake up and smell the coffee. We were having an argument about something that I thought was vitally important. Important enough to call him back into the office on a holiday weekend. Turns out he didn’t agree. I didn’t like that at the time but I remember respecting him. He had the perspective that I lacked. The reason to leave work. An honorable reason to work in the first place.
That’s what I feel like I’m doing.
Waking up.
I see what I didn’t notice before.
The beauty of simple things.
The light in people.
The hope that can exist even when all appears hopeless.
I hear steps behind me and turn to find Jessie standing in the doorway. In her simple white slip, with her hair tumbling over her shoulders, she looks like an angel.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks, looking concerned. Jessie doesn’t love with half a heart. She loves with everything that she is. I know there’s a part of her, probably a big part that’s worried I’m going to go down the dark path I followed before. There are only so many times I can reassure her that I wont. I don’t fear my life and the difficulties I know are ahead because she is by my side. I am strong again because she was there, telling me to fight. I’m strong again because Jessie and Abbey need me.
“Too much excitement, I guess,” I say. It’s the truth. A man can only experience so much happiness in a day without getting overwhelmed.
She walks towards me, slipping easily into my embrace. “It was a great day,” she says softly, stroking her hand over my arm.
“Every day is great,” I tell her.
She sighs softly. “Abbey’s snoring.”
“Is that what woke you up?” I laugh.
“No. I could tell you weren’t next to me.”
I kiss the top of her head, breathing in the scent of shampoo and the natural fragrance of my wife. There is something so comforting about this. A gentle cuddle and just being with the person that you love. Jessie is my home. Wherever she is, my heart is with her. “I’m sorry, honey. I was restless and didn’t want to wake you. Seems I failed.”
She leans up, standing on tiptoes to kiss my lips. “It’s okay. It’s kinda nice to be out here with you. It’s so quiet.”
We turn to look out at the blackness of the invisible horizon. I know how Jessie feels about the sea. I can feel her relax as she listens to the soft shh of the waves.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say. “I want to find someone to paint you.”
“Paint me?” She looks at me quizzically.
“Yeah. You know, a portrait.”
“I don’t know, Ryan. Isn’t that going to cost a lot of money?”
I sign. My wife is so sensible when it comes to spending. Even after all this time she still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that she never has to worry about money again. It’s one of the things I love about her. “Maybe, Jessie, but it will make me happy.”
“I can’t imagine it. Sitting still in a chair for hours on end.”
I laugh. Is she imagining an oil painting like the ones that hang in stately homes in England? As lovely as she would look dressed in a high-collared blouse and tailored skirt I have something else in mind completely. “On the beach.”
She turns and eyes me curiously. “On the beach?”
“That first day I came to your apartment, you had a picture.”
Jessie smiles. “It’s in storage,” she tells me. “I didn’t think it really went with the décor at your place.”
“I thought it was you,” I tell her.
She smiles. “It’s why I bought it. I found it in a thrift shop. I had no money at the time but there was something about it that called to me. It reminded me of happier times when I felt free.”
“I want to have you painted in the same pose.”
Jessie reaches to touch my face. “You know I don’t need that picture anymore. It’s why I put it in storage.”
I kiss her lips gently. “I know you don’t need it, baby, but I do.”
“Why?”
“That day I met you, I was lost. I’d made a decision…and then suddenly you were there. It’s like a light switched on in a darkened room. A tiny light. Just a flicker. It’s why I stayed to talk to you. I needed to be in that light just a little, and then a little wasn’t enough. I want to capture that, Jessie. The light you are in my life. The freedom you were craving and the freedom you have given me.”
Tears trickle down her cheeks and she swipes at them as though she’s frustrated with herself for getting emotional.
“I’m so glad you came in that day. That time in my life was a terrible chapter, but if I hadn’t lived through it all, I never would have found you. We wouldn’t be here. Abbey wouldn’t be here.”
“I know. If I hadn’t been given my diagnosis, I would never have left the office that day and just driven around town.”
“The domino effect,” she says. I remember setting up dominos in long trails when I was a kid.
“Do you wonder what the next chapter will bring for us, Jessie?”
She shrugs. “We both know that life can hit you with a brick when you are least expecting it. I guess, that so long as we focus on the day we are living in now, we won’t have any regrets tomorrow. Does that make sense?”
I smile at my wise wife. “It does, baby. Completely.” She snuggles against me again and we stand like that for a while, enjoying the night air and the tranquillity. “Mrs. Crawford,” I whisper after a while.
“Yes, Mr. Crawford.”
“Can I take you inside and make love to you?”
“What about Abbey?” she asks softly.
“We have a suite,” I laugh. “How about we make out on the sofa like teenagers?”
Jessie giggles and I can tell she likes the idea. I take her hand and lead my wife into the sitting area, closing the door to the bedroom softly behind us.
I let go of her hand and take a seat, leaving her standing in front of me. It reminds me of the first night of our arrangement when I called her to my room so I could see her in all her glory. Back then, I had paid for the privilege. Now, I’ve earned it.
“Take off your clothes, Jessie,” I say, my voice sounding gruffer than I expect.
She slips the white straps from her shoulders and the fabric slides from her curvy frame so fast, I exhale. She’s so beautiful. Soft stomach left behind from carrying our child. Thighs thicker than they were before the pregnancy. Her breasts have changed the most and I love their extra fullness and the darkness of her nipples. She looks ripe and all of these changes are what have made her my wife.
“Come closer,” I order. She takes the two steps until she’s standing as close to me as she can get. I lean forward as I did, inhaling against the skin of her stomach, getting light headed from the scent of her.
This time her hands lace through my hair, stroke my face. Her eyes find mine and they burn with love. She kneels; one leg either side of me, pressing her pussy against the fabric of my boxers. She leans to kiss me, sucking on my bottom lip, opening her mouth so I can slide my tongue against hers. This kiss that was once so new and unfamiliar now feels like I’m coming home.
“Baby,” she whispers, stroking my face and kissing my cheek.
“I love you,” I tell her and she smiles so widely her eyes crease at the sides. I know how important it is to say those words. Every day of life that is filled with love is a gift that nobody should take for granted. Every day I get to spend with my arms around this woman is one that I’m going to relish.
“I love you too, Ryan. So much,” she tells me and I feel it like warmth seeping through my skin and into my heart.
My pull her close to me, hugging her tightly. “I want to make love to my wife,” I say softly.
“Then do it,” she says.
There are moments in life that you don’t ever forget and I know this will be one of them. I know that a piece of paper shouldn’t make a lot of difference but it feels like it does. This woman promised herself to me today. She promised to be with me through good times and bad, in sickness and in health and I believe her. I know she’ll be with me through all the difficulties I’m going to face, and that she’ll bring me joy all the days of my life. As I lay her back on the sofa I use my hands to show her how much I cherish her. Slow strokes of her soft skin, across her arms and breasts and the roundness of her stomach. I trace the fabric of her panties until she’s writhing and I know for sure she’s ready. I touch her most intimate of places that now belongs only to me and she’s warm and wet and perfect.
“I want you,” she says, tugging me to come closer. When I rest my weight on top of her she sighs contentedly and when I finally push inside her she sighs again. “You feel so good, baby,” Jessie tells me and I want to tell her that she feels amazing but the words get caught in my throat.
I nearly lost her. I nearly gave up on a future that I thought I couldn’t face, but she was there, willing me to come back.
I move because I everything in me craves to give this woman pleasure. Her hands grab at my shoulders and I bury my face in her neck, inhaling her scent and feeling her pulse against my lips.
“Oh,” she gasps as I push into her deeper, driving harder and faster. I can feel her wetness against my thighs, her arousal driving me closer. I slide my arm beneath her back, making her arch into me so we are as close as we can possibly be, but even then it doesn’t feel enough. I take hold of her face in my hand.
“Look at me,” I growl. Jessie’s eyes flutter open but they are dazed with pleasure. I need her to see what I feel for her. I need her to know all the things that are in my heart but I can’t always find the words to say.
“I know, baby,” she says, putting her hand to my cheek. “I know.” And she does. I can see it in her eyes that she gets me in a way that no one else ever has.
“You’re my ocean, Jessie,” I say. She blinks slowly and a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
“You’re my ocean too, baby,” she replies.
I move inside her with a softness and slowness that feels new and amazing, even though we’ve done this so many times before. Her legs hook behind me, holding us closer and me deeper inside her than ever. I know when she’s close because her hands grip me and her body starts to seize. Watching my wife come and feeling her clench around my dick is the sexiest thing. It’s all I need to feel to push me over the edge and when I come too, I feel the greatest surrender.
Life isn’t about chasing money. It isn’t about proving how successful you can be outside of for your own self-satisfaction. It’s about these moments and all the moments I have to come with this amazing woman. It’s about holding your wife’s hand, kissing her fingers, telling her that she has changed your life and seeing all the love you feel for her reflected back in her eyes.
It’s knowing that your journey into the future is going to be filled with love, no matter what else might happen.
(c) Stephanie Brother 2017
